Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is almost like giving them another chance. It's kind of a difficult step to forgive someone. What I have come to realize that forgiving someone else is not half as difficult as forgiving myself. I forgive Jose for what he did....not meaning it doesn't still hurt but I understand and forgive. The thing that I'm not over is me. I feel stupid for trusting him and having such high expectations of the relationship and I can't seem to forgive myself for making that mistake. I need to just be like, it's just a lesson learned but I continue to dwell on it. Not only the wrong that he did but I keep finding little things that I did wrong, or not necessarily wrong but stupid things. I gave up so much for him, which was dumb because I missed out on so much. I missed out on college memories and so many friends because I gave all my time to him. I was stupid to think that he wouldn't find someone to replace me...when I was the one to replace his ex girlfriend. It's almost as if my mind won't let me forget these mistakes that I've made when, what's done is done, it's over with now. It's like my mind just rubs it in that I fucked up. I can't change a bit of it so why can't I just give myself a break and forgive myself for making those mistakes and get over it? How can I give someone who hurt me so much, so many chances...but not give myself one?

Ex's

I realized something yesterday. I don't think that anyone ever fully gets over an ex. I don't mean just any ex and I don't mean "get over" such as they can never move on. I definitely am ready for another relationship. I mean the people that you were with and truly loved, you never get over them, such as if you ran into them on the street one day or they randomly called you...you would have some sort of reaction. Such as if they were assholes, you're going to have hard feelings. Even if you're not still mad you're going to have some sort of thoughts, or feelings about seeing them or talking to them. I don't care what anyone says but some things your going to see or hear and you're going to think of that person. You never forget unfortunately. Some of my ex's, I was never in love with so if I saw them I would be like oh hey, what's up? But I know for a fact that if I see or talk to Jose at some point there's going to be a reaction. Not necessarily that I'm going to break down and cry...but I'll have some thoughts and feelings.

Also, I've been wondering, if you meet someone older than you that asks you out on a date, how old is too old? I don't believe the "age doesn't matter" crap. Ok if you're like 3 maybe 4 years apart, I don't think it does matter but there is a point where it starts to matter. The reason I bring this up is because I met this guy and I thought he was really attractive but then I found out he's 27....8 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. That's quite an age difference, don't you think?