Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is almost like giving them another chance. It's kind of a difficult step to forgive someone. What I have come to realize that forgiving someone else is not half as difficult as forgiving myself. I forgive Jose for what he did....not meaning it doesn't still hurt but I understand and forgive. The thing that I'm not over is me. I feel stupid for trusting him and having such high expectations of the relationship and I can't seem to forgive myself for making that mistake. I need to just be like, it's just a lesson learned but I continue to dwell on it. Not only the wrong that he did but I keep finding little things that I did wrong, or not necessarily wrong but stupid things. I gave up so much for him, which was dumb because I missed out on so much. I missed out on college memories and so many friends because I gave all my time to him. I was stupid to think that he wouldn't find someone to replace me...when I was the one to replace his ex girlfriend. It's almost as if my mind won't let me forget these mistakes that I've made when, what's done is done, it's over with now. It's like my mind just rubs it in that I fucked up. I can't change a bit of it so why can't I just give myself a break and forgive myself for making those mistakes and get over it? How can I give someone who hurt me so much, so many chances...but not give myself one?