Life of me recently

--> So, some things that have been going on with me recently. Hmmm, let's see. I am about to move out of the dorm THANK GOD! I don't think I can live with my roommate any more. (I really hope she never finds this btw haha). I mean, she's my best friend, and she really is an awesome friend BUT there are just certain pet peeves that I have that she seems to trigger, I just cannot live with her. So, just annoying stuff with her. Now on to the more important things.
--> So me and Brendan* are not officially in a relationship, BUT it is getting a tad serious like one. He told me/promised me that he'll never hurt me and he loves me more than anything he's ever loved. I think the promise that you'll never hurt someone is an impossible promise. You can't promise something like that to someone. Anyways, he's been so good to me. He's affectionate, sweet, caring. He really is my best friend and knows everything about me and understands everything that I have to say. He knows about the whole Juan* situation so I can tell him how I feel about it and he understands which is really nice b/c I don't always have to hide things from him. Although this is all fine and dandy, there are a few things that are bothering me.
1) I know I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm not in one and I don't know if I want to be just yet
2) He has a drug issue, it's not an everyday thing...but it's a big thing. He pops pills every once in a while, and it severely bothers me. And it's not like I haven't told him that, I have. It just does not seem to have much effect on him. Or he cannot stop. I don't know how to make him stop. I'm not trying to be a bitch to him and be annoying about it but it's a big deal to me, it's a big problem period. And I don't know if I'm trying to get involved into something like that.
3) Something happened this past weekend when I went to see him that kind of freaked me out. I feel like it's a big deal just b/c it seems to be bothering me so much. We went to the beach with one of his friends. There were some people in front of us walking on the sidewalk going really slow and said something really rude to us. Brendan* completely freaked out, and got extremely mad. I can understand being upset, like hey, don't do that dude but he got really pissed like, come back here fight like a man, fuck you, I'll break your fucking face. It really freaked me out a lot. I have never seen him get angry in that way before and I don't like it. What if he hurts me one day because of his anger? He's never shown any signs of wanting or trying to hurt me before, but who knows? And I feel like if it was something I shouldn't be worried about, I wouldn't be worrying about it.
-->Another thing, before I went to see Brendan*, a few days before, Juan* texted me to say what's up how I was doing things like that. Pretty uneventful conversation. Then the next day, I went to go pick up my nephew from the sitters house, which happens to be the house that me and Juan* and our whole group of friends is always at. He was there and I saw him. It triggered something, not necessarily that it's extremely awkward being around him, not the fact that I want to be with him again, not even that I still have feelings. Just the realization that I don't want to be hurt again. So I couldn't really enjoy myself with Brendan* this past weekend because I'm subconciously pushing him away so I don't get hurt.
Once I got back, I decided to go hang out with our old group of friends again Juan* and the others. We hung out, drank some beers, just chilled. Then, one of our friends had to take his friend home. Juan* decided to stay with me so we went to my house, he wanted to see my brother and stuff, and he talked about how much he missed it over there and stuff b/c when we dated he met my whole family, and we were all really close. When he said that me and my brother were both like "well yeah, whose fault is that?" Later, we left my house and went back to the house we were hanging out at and waited for the others. That's when stuff started. He was semi drunk/tipsy and I was a little bit tipsy myself. He put his arm around me and then we started kissing. THEN, here is my mistake. I hooked up with him again. I mean, I couldn't help it, what can I say? I miss the physical stuff sometimes. Oh well, you can only learn from mistakes. Although, I don't regret it all that much, it was kinda impulsive and idk, exciting in a way. I mean, yeah, he was a jerk to me, but also just b/c we hooked up doesn't mean that I'm looking for anything else or expecting anything from it. To be honest, I was just kinda using him in that way. So no judgments please! Don't think any less of me, I'm not a bad person.
-->Well, I've got exams tomorrow and need to get prepared for those so my plan is to post another blog soon.