--> Today, a pretty easy day as far as school goes. I went to my morning exam didn't have another one until 6, went home, got the car, came back went to my other exam. Sounds pretty boring right? WRONG!
--> Brendan* and I have an interesting relationship. We are not IN a relationship, but we kinda are, just without the title. So, last week he told me that he made out with this girl. And I was like, not very mad b/c technically I can't be mad b/c we're not in a relationship. Then I found out later that he spent the night at this girls dorm, and that upset me a little because yes you made out with her and stopped before you did anything else, but you totally could have walked home after that, you didn't have to spend the night, even if it was on an air mattress on the floor. So, he told me that he was sorry and he loves me more than anything. And I told him to promise he wouldn't do it again. He promised. Promises are a big deal for me.
--> So this morning he calls me and tells me he has to talk to me. I'm thinking OH GOD, what the hell is it now? I was like, just fucking tell me. He told me that he slept with someone else. Once again, we are not officially in a relationship, AND, I did the same thing the other day. BUT, I'm not so angry about the act of him having sex with someone else, I'm upset that he broke a promise to me. I told him that because of this he's going to have to earn my trust back b/c I can't believe the promises he's going to make to me. I know it might be hypocritical but I can't help it. I didn't admit to him what I did with Juan*. Say I'm a horrible person, but I don't want to tell him. Brendan* told me that he doesn't want to lose me and he's going to get his shit together and that he wants me to know that if we did make this official he would never cheat on me. And that he knows it's no excuse but it's just hard being away at school and not being with me. I'm just skeptical about what he says. I don't want to get sucked into the bullshit.
--> Then, after my 6 pm. exam, I came home because I'm taking my friend to the hospital tomorrow, she is having surgery. Juan* texted me and asked me to hang out. So I did, and it was totally different than the other night, ya know when the scandalous things happened lol. It's always different every time I see or hang out with him. We either talk like normal people, hardly look at each other, or hook up. God, I've got to stop hanging out with him if I ever want this to go away. It's just so hard, I just remember how things used to be and I miss that. And our friend told me today that Juan* talks about how much he misses me sometimes. But really, I can't do anything about that, it's his own fault that he misses me.
--> Well that is my day, get back to you tomorrow, I'm sure there will be more drama to talk about.
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