Blabbering

Yesterday was extremely uneventful. About the only fun thing that happened was that me and Jami had a "roommate night" and watched a movie called "He's Just Not That Into You". It showed the things that women do, crazy bitch things, and it shows those typical guys that never call. Some of the stuff that the girl did, that made her look obsessive and crazy, made me realize that I do some of those things. Not to the extent that the crazy girl did them, but I have done some of them. Like check my phone a little too often when I'm waiting for a text and getting frustrated when there isn't one. Then going over and over the reasons in my head as to why I don't have that text. You know what? Maybe if he wanted to talk to me, he would text me. That is now my philosophy. If Jose wants to talk to me, if he REALLY does miss me, if he REALLY does still like me, if he REALLY would get back together with me, then he'll text me, or make a little bit of an effort.

After the movie, I got this sudden urge to go through me and Jose's old pictures and listen to "our song". It wasn't really "our song", but it was his ringtone and it reminded me of him always. I never look at those or listen to that but for some reason I just wanted to. BIG MISTAKE. Of course I got upset and realized how much I miss him. Scratch that, I didn't just now realize it, I've known that I miss him, but this, this looking at the old things, made it that much more unbearable. The tears just flowed, I mean poured out of my eyes. Then I wanted to call him. I was upset and I wanted to call him and not be hysterical crying on the phone but just tell him, "you know what? I miss you, a whole hell of a lot." And tell him about looking back at the pictures and tell him about how I wish I hadn't thrown out his hoodie, and the shirts he gave me, and all the pictures. But a few minutes later, after I calmed myself down a bit, I realized, I don't have to tell him right this second. If he really does want to hang out (like he's said he wants to) then there will be plenty of chances for me to tell him these things if I feel the need to later. I don't need to call him like a psycho at 1:30 in the morning and be hysterical. Cut the drama. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow. I'm going to see if he texts me about it. He's asleep by now obviously b/c it's almost 2AM. But when he wakes up, he'll see a text from me, which means that I'll be fresh on his mind, which means that if he really wants to see me, he'll do something about it.

God, I hope he does something about it. I miss him so, so much.