Hope you're interested enough to read all of this.

-->So, I'm in college right now and writing in a journal/blogging is something I do a lot. It's a way for me to get out my feelings, kinda talk stuff out with myself if that makes sense. Make all the mumbo jumbo in my head make a little bit of sense by writing it all out. It's also a way for me to remember the significant or even little things that happen in my life. I never want to forget things...except the bad things.
-->There have been a few bad things that have happened in my life. Bad stuff sucks, but it's part of life, and all the bad experiences even though they hurt they make me who I am today and I should be grateful for that. My definition of bad experiences may not be the same as all of yours but just b/c you got your arm cut off doesn't mean my paper cut doesn't hurt. Everyone's experiences affect/effect?(I can never figure which one to use) them in different ways. So I was going to tell you a little bit about mine.
-->About 3 years ago, my parents started to have issues. It wasn't that they were necessarily fighting all the time, but you can tell when stuff isn't right. One day me and my mom and brother were flying out to see our cousins in St. Louis, my dad in the mean time was planning on going to play with his blue grass band thing, I was not a fan. Turns out, we missed the flight so came back home for the night to leave in the morning. Who didn't show up? My dad, he was gone all night, didn't even know that we came back. My mom asked him what he did that night and pretended that she didn't know he was gone and he lied, said he was home the whole time. Turns out, he left b/c he was seeing someone else. Then he tried to lie and say he wasn't seeing some one else. It struck a nerve with me. If my dad would lie? Who's to say guys I meet in my life won't? That experience did make me stronger though. And that's when I got my first tattoo, the Kanji symbol for strength. I think it's important to stay strong...never let anything break you.
-->Another thing that was real tough for me was classic boy trouble. It has gotten way better but it's taken a while to get there, and it's kind of coming back into play now...I'll get to that later. Brendan* (not his real name), has been one of my best friends since 9th grade, also one of my biggest crushes since 9th grade. We just stayed friends for a while but once the feelings came out he talked about how he wanted to be with me and how he liked me. Me, being a stupid naive high school girl believed all the bullshit and was torn apart when I found out it was all lies.
-->Then, the most recent bad incident. My exboyfriend. Juan* (not real name either), was the perfect guy, cute, sweet. Everything was so perfect, and I fell hard, real crazy hard. We were together for 7 months, and it was a little bit rocky at points but nothing i wasn't willing to give my everything for. He is still in high school, so I came home every weekend from college to see him. Then came the day when he said he wanted a "break", it seemed like he was giving up. I was hurt b/c I would have done anything for him. I found out later that he never wanted a break, he just wanted to break up. He told me all these different reasons, all these stories of why, how he didn't want to hurt me, and how he loved me. Everytime he told me something, I heard something else from one of our friends, every time I confronted him, he made the story different. I didn't believe him. On top of that there was a new girl that he was hanging out with and when he told ME that he wasn't going out with her, it wasn't until after we hooked up again, that I found out that he was lying about that too. I tried to tell the new girlfriend that he was a douche bag, but that of course didn't work, she didn't believe me.
-->So now, me and Brendan* are talking again. While I was in a relationship with Juan*, Brendan* told me he was in love with me. I realized after the whole Juan* thing that I still had feelings for Brendan*. So we are kind of going on that for right now. It's just difficult because even though he is acting different now, I cannot stop thinking about how he hurt me before, and I cannot get over how Juan* hurt me yet. But that's understandable right? We didn't even fully break up less than two months ago. I'm just scared to put myself out there to get hurt again, but I also don't want to miss out something amazing. And now Juan* and me have started talking again, just casual. Idk.
-->Sorry this is such a long post, I hope that those interested will take the time to read it. This is the life of me, drama and all.