CINCO DE MAYO

--> It's been a pretty good past couple of days. Summer is starting off great. I don't have much to worry about. I mean I need to get a job, but no worries. It's a new feeling for me to not be as worried. It's like I don't really know what to do with myself.

--> As far as the boy issues go, I'm not too terribly worried about those either. With Juan* I'm not talking to him more than I need to. I don't go out of my way to text him, but if he texts me I will respond, I'm just not overly open with him about what's going on with my life and how I feel. He's never really offered that to me, so I don't think he deserves to know how I really am, or how I'm really doing. I know he regrets his decision, and that sucks for him, I can't go back and change anything as much a would like to, and neither can he.

--> With Brendan*, I've known him long enough to know that he changes his mind often, any kind of relationship with him is somewhat of a roller coaster. I'm expecting the best, but I'm also prepared for the worst. It's not like I haven't dealt with it before. I don't know why but I can never let him go. This is going to sound stupid but no matter how often he gets scared of a relationship I know that he still cares about me. I might sound naive in saying that but you don't know him like I do, no one does.

--> Just because I'm kind of seeing how things are going to happen with Brendan* doesn't mean that I've cut myself off. Marcus* spent the night with me the other night. I'm not even setting my sights on Marcus*, he's totally not the kind of person I can't see myself being in an actual relationship with. He's just there for my benefit in some areas. Heehee.

--> I've also realized from all these boy issues that I'm a very independent person. I don't need anyone. I've had plenty of success, with no help from any of them. I finished my first year of college, none of them helped me. I moved into an apartment, by myself (with a roommate but you know what I mean). I bought my OWN car. I didn't have help from anyone, and I can continue without anyone. Well I mean, I always have my family and friends, and in that sense, I'm very dependent. I don't know what I would do without them. They offer so much support to me when I need it the most.

--> Today, I went to lunch with my ex-roomate, Sarah* from the dorm. She's also one of my best friends but from living with her has totally made me, not hate her, but get annoyed with her so much faster. Like today, we went to Bojangle's. Neither of us specified which Bojangle's we would go to so we ended up at different ones. At first it was funny, but I called her because she wasn't there and she called me stupid for not going to the one she was at. Ok bitch, just because I went to a different one than you doesn't mean I'm stupid. Maybe you're stupid for going to the other one that we NEVER go to. I fucking hate how she sits there and laughs and makes me feel stupid for stuff, when really, neither one of us specified which one we were going to go to. I know I'm rambling and it's really not important it's just another thing about her that annoys me. I kind of wish she didn't know where I lived. I don't want her here, EVER. And if we see something funny, we'll both laugh, but she'll go on and on and on laughing, I get annoyed b/c it's like, it's really not that funny. Maybe if we were high it would be that funny, but we're not so stop laughing. I guess after reading all of what I just wrote she doesn't sound like a best friend. But I mean if I get upset or sad about something I can definitely talk to her, she just annoys me sometimes. Like my family, sometimes I HATE them, but I always love them. Oh well, maybe after being I away from her for a little more time it will be better.