This is probably going to be the most emo blog ever.

So this is about to be really emo and dramatic but it's how I feel right now. I feel really alone. Like not physically, but emotionally. And even though I have people that I can talk to, I feel like I'm really alone with my thoughts and feelings if that makes any sense. I think I need some help, like need to go to a therapist just to have someone to talk to. I mean I have friends and things but I need help from someone who can help me figure out how and why I'm feeling this way. Ok done with the emo shit.

Yesterday, I went to hang out with Nathan and Juan* (who am I kidding, does it really make a difference if I disguise the names? I'm just gonna use real names from now on) ok, Nathan and Jose. (Juan*=Jose in all previous blogs). The house that we always hang out at is Laurens house. Me and Lauren aren't really friends anymore but we were cool a few months back. Now recently she's been a total bitch, slamming doors, stomping her feet. But I have no idea why she's mad at me. Yesterday she straight up kicked me out of her house. Like I don't want you here anymore. I asked why she was mad and she just said you wouldn't understand. Here's what I say to that BULLSHIT! This is stupid high school drama. She's fucking bipolar or something. She can go fuck herself b/c Nathan, Jose, AND David(her boyfriend) are still gonna come hang out with me this summer and leave her by herself.

Anyways, before that shit happened, me and Nathan picked up Jose and we hung out, Nathan ran to his car and in the car me and Jose kissed. I was especially mad that Lauren did that shit b/c then I couldn't hang out with Jose anymore. He came back over before he went home though because he had left his book bag in my car. He gave me a hug and a kiss before he left and held onto my hand as he walked away. He told me he wanted to hang out with me tomorrow(which is today) so we'll see how it goes.

Also yesterday, in the morning, Marshall (Brendan*=Marshall in all previous blogs) came over. I had told him that I think that I need a little break from whatever is going on with us because I'm not over Jose and I'm not ready to be emotionally involved with him in any way. I don't have the exact same feelings about Marshall as I used to. I still care about him, and I love the fact that he's always been there for me and always will. I just told him that I can't do this right now. And I'm really sad that he's sad. I know he really loves me and can't stand the fact that I'm still in love with someone else. He wants me to be happy, and I know that but I hate the fact that I can't love him back yet, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I am so grateful though to have him as my friend and know how understanding and awesome he is.